The Art of Doing Nothing (Without Feeling Guilty)

Last week I said I was coming to Melbourne and promised to report back on the Museum of Desire. Fast forward to actually being here… and I didn’t go.

Why? Because it was my first kid-free night since my son was born, and all I wanted was to rest. To take a long uninterrupted shower, have a ‘girl dinner’ I don’t have to clean up from, maybe nap for a bit, and just… breathe. Even though the museum would have been fun, my body and brain were screaming for quiet.

And here’s the thing: I’m a product of the “you’re only worth something if you’re productive” mentality. A lot of us are. Whether we realise it or not, many women can’t relax because there’s always something to do, and it always lands on us. That anxiety, that buzzing sense of “I should be doing something,” keeps us from resting, fully.

From what I know (and from my Pleasure School learnings), that chronic stress and over-stimulation isn’t just exhausting—it’s biological. Cortisol levels rise when we’re constantly “on.” And high cortisol? It makes it harder to get in the mood, harder to enjoy sex, and harder to orgasm even when we try. In other words, the system is set up in a way that can quietly dampen our libido, which is… just another thing to feel guilty about.

So here’s my gentle challenge to all of us: say “no” to some things and practice doing nothing.

Yes, it may feel anxious at first. But start small. “Nothing” doesn’t have to be staring at a wall (unless that’s your jam). It just has to be nothing productive. Try habit stacking: instead of unpacking the dishwasher while drinking your morning coffee, sit down with the coffee instead. Read a few pages, look out the window, sketch something, scroll mindlessly, or… just breathe.

“But the dishwasher?” it can wait. Someone else can do it later. Or it just doesn’t matter right now. Practicing this, even in small doses, is like building a muscle: the more you check in with how it feels to do nothing without guilt, the stronger your ability to rest, reset, and reclaim your energy becomes.

So, Melbourne Museum of Desire? I’ll visit next time. Tonight? I rested. And that, my friends, is enough.

So get out there and do nothing x